Art Therapy Exercises

Last Christmas I was talking with my family about my recent discovery of watercolor paintinig. My Mom asked what I did with all my paintings and I said “mostly just put them in a pile.” We all laughed, but it’s true. I’m honest enough with myself to be able to say that most of them are not very good, like at all. But that’s not the point for me. I just like painting. My goal is to keep practicing until I get to a point where I feel comfortable selling my art, and I have been encouraged by my progress over the last year, but I just like the act of painting for it’s own sake.

Through the darkness of January I found myself painting more and thinking more about what exactly I got out of it, aside from the sometimes moderately okay finished product. And I realized it was actually therapeutic. On days when I would feel particularly depressed and lacking energy, it was a way to pass the time in a way that made me feel better, if only while I was doing it. I tend to fall into spirals of negative thoughts when I’m not doing well and it’s extremely difficult to talk myself out of it. I found that while I was painting my mind was slightly calmed. Negative thoughts still pop up, and I may even still be thinking about whatever thing it is that’s distressing me, but the quality of the thoughts softens. My breathing slows and I am gradually soothed by focusing only on the colors flowing in the water, as abstract and meaningless as it is.

Read More

Intentions for 2019

This year, the Spring Equinox felt so much like the start of the new year, so the following post by my friend Tabitha really resonated with me & inspired me to make somewhat of a list of “New Year’s Resolutions”


Love that post! I was already starting to feel the spring energy and this was a nice boost and bit of motivation to make my own list. The following aren’t really concrete GOALS, but intentions that set the tone for what I want to accomplish this year.

I’ve never posted photos of my journal before, but it felt like a good first step towards radical honesty - no editing, no censoring, this is just it. I always like getting honest feed back on my writing, but this time in addition to hearing what you think about the content, I’m wondering what you think about the format..

Is my writing too hard to read or do you enjoy the more personal feel? Genuinely wondering what you think about this! Anyways, happy reading & looking forward to chatting with you about it in the comments or DM’s!

28 day Yoga Challenge

February is the only month I really have strong feelings about. It fucking sucks. It’s the shortest month but always feels like the longest and as much as I tell myself to stay strong and not let it affect me, it fucks with me every year.

But it’s over now.

And this year wasn’t as bad as anticipated, it actually kinda went by fast! Today is March 1st (yes, it took me a week to finish this lol) and it’s got me reflecting on the month & all the factors that helped it flow along. I want to share with you a few insights from the other side of my hibernation, I mean, it’s still cold as polar bear tits and I’m not entirely done hiding inside, but we’re through the darkest part.

The biggest change to my daily routine has been yoga - read about the start of my journey below in my last post. I did a 28 day challenge at the studio by my house and I crushed it! I ended up last minute going out of town for 8 days, but I did 20 classes in the 20 days I was around! One of the most basic but surprising things about the challenge was that I genuinely enjoyed it every day and not once did it feel like a chore. I expected to have to push myself to keep the routine going, but once I got started I was hooked! I’ve thought a lot about what has made me instantly dedicated to this practice and I think it’s actually a combination of a bunch of things.

Another unexpected part of my practice has been the fire it ignites in me when I’m pushing myself to hold a challenging pose. When I thought of yoga before, vibes that came to mind were zen, peaceful, & relaxing.. And while that is a big part of it, the opposite is also true. The best comparison I can think of is when I used to run. My knees and ankles are fucked so I gave it up over 10 years ago, and I didn’t realize until now how much I missed the internal exercise needed to get through challenge of physical exercise. Every time I would set out to run for an hour, the first ten minutes were HELL. Within a few minutes my knees and ankles would ache, my calves would burn, and I would obsessively watch the time pass - seemingly sooo slooowly - and think “there’s no way I can do an hour” After 5 minutes of agony another 55 minutes sounded like pure torture, but after a while I knew I was already half way through the worst part. Somehow like clockwork around 10 minutes in, I would get into it. The physical sensations in my legs were still there if I thought about them, but the pain would fade into the background and I would just go. Music cranked, mind clear, just running. And the hour would pass. There would be times I would want to quit or walk but my body never would, the fire was started and I couldn’t put it out! I would feel SO good after, physically and mentally! Ok, sometimes after I actually wanted to puke, but eventually I would feel good! Proving to myself that I can endure pain & actually achieve what seems impossible is motivating - not just in the moment, but in life! Yoga obviously isn’t as intense on the body, but that same inner fire gets ignited. Part of what I’m describing is called “Flow State” - I learned about it a bit in University and want to write a whole post about it. Send me a DM if this is something that interests you or if you have some good academic research about it!

Another aspect I enjoy is that as I am seeing myself get stronger and progress, I am getting more competitive with myself, which I think is healthy in moderation. I’m not a super competitive person, but it feels good to challenge myself every day and see how much better I can get compared to the day before. The best part is that you are surrounded by people who are also just there to challenge themselves and nobody is competing against each other. At no point is there a yoga-off with trophies, it’s just an ongoing practice. It’s nice.

Physically I have noticed a lot of changes, some I can see in the mirror, some I just feel. It sounds weird but I feel stronger but at the same time lighter. I feel more present in my body and more aware of the deep connection between my mental and physical health. It sounds so obvious, but reconnecting with my body has been another unexpected benefit.

The last thing I’ve been thinking about is how nice it is to do something decidedly NOT cannabis related. Don’t get me wrong, I love my weed life, but for the last 6+ years it’s pretty much been my life. It’s nice to have a quiet place to go where I’m not tweedledoob, I’m just another person trying to sweat out their demons.

I was going to write about ALL the things that made February fly by including working through an art therapy book, and connecting with some awesome people, but this is long enough and each topic deserves it’s own post.. Stay tuned! As always I love getting your feedback, send me an email or drop me a DM on instagram if you want to chat!

Starting Yoga

Today I did my 7th yoga class in 8 days and it feels great. I posted about my first few classes on instagram and I had a few people ask what I liked about it and whether it helped with my depression. These conversations made me stop and reflect on what I was getting out of it and I wanted to share with more of you.

I’ll start with the physical benefits because they’re the easiest to explain. If you watch my stories you know I stretch daily, but I pretty much always do the same basic routine. It’s been fun and challenging to keep up with a new set of poses and a flow that I’m not used to. It forces me to be present in my body and in the moment. Even though most of the classes I have taken have been quite gentle, I’ve been using core & leg muscles I haven’t used in ages and I’ve been sore! a good way! Today for the first time I took a more intense class and was able to do something that I have struggled with in every other class so far, so yay! Even though it was a small improvement, I feel proud! It’s interesting to think of the ease at which it happened today - a move that almost made me fall over like 5 times in the last week somehow just clicked. Good reminder to keep at it even when it feels like you aren’t making progress!

The mental benefits are more subtle and harder for me to articulate but there has definitely been a noticeable shift in my state of mind. The first and most general mental benefits happen before I even get on the mat. It feels good to wake up and think “I’m going to yoga today.” It feels good to book the class, to bundle up, and to arrive at the studio. I think each of the steps leading up to the class feels good because they signify a positive and healthy choice that I’m making for myself. I have enough unhealthy coping mechanisms that I beat myself up about that it’s a welcome change to do something that is wholly good for me. Simply, it feels good to feel good about myself.

The class itself also encourages a healthy headspace. It’s an hour of uninterrupted focus on my breath, body, and the current moment. I leave feeling relaxed yet energized and somehow refreshed, like I just hit a reset button on my brain. I am still not feeling super upbeat and energetic, but it’s like a bit of the winter fog has lifted and I am seeing a little more clearly. I’m learning not only to accept January & February as low-key, introspective months, but I’m trying to embrace it. Yoga helps.

One last anecdote that sums up my experience nicely.. A few days ago I took a Yin class which focuses on relaxation and very slow, gentle stretching. At the end of the class when we were laying in our backs, the instructor suggested visualizing being surrounded by warm water and with every exhale we sank deeper into the water. I thought it was a little cheesy and I let my mind wander back to my breath and body and kind of tuned out the visualization exercise. Several minutes later she said “by now you should be at the bottom of the ocean, still able to breath, but resting in the peace and stillness of the ocean floor.” I giggled to myself because I gave up after a few inches, but I’m glad I caught what she said next. She said “remember this feeling of peace down here and know that you can always come back to it - no matter what waves you’re surfing or are throwing you around on the surface, you can always come back to this space.” Very true & well said.. I needed that reminder!

If you’re inspired to try some yoga, don’t be scared! Many studios offer a trial membership or drop in passes, so you don’t have to commit if you’re not sure you’ll like it. If joining a studio isn’t an option, YOUTUBE IT! There are tons of tutorial videos for all levels & styles and you can do it in your pjs! Let me know if you give it a try - I love chatting with y’all!

Surviving Winter

It’s not even officially winter yet, but I feel it in my heart and bones.

Emo AF, I know!

You would think as a 32 year old Canadian I would be used to winter by now, but I’m not. It kicks my ass every year and I hate it.

I’ve picked up several coping skills over the years & want to share them with you because given the response to my mental health posts on instagram I know I’m not alone in this! While I’m not a mental health expert or medical professional, I’ve learned that my personal experiences are valuable to many of you. That said, please keep in mind that the following is obviously NOT medical advice, and if you are self-harming or suicidal please seek professional help immediately!

First thing to always remember:

The only permanent thing is change.

Mainly, winter won’t last forever and neither will these feelings. Spring will come and things will bloom and life will feel good again. It always does!

But also, everything changes. Like, everything. We are more of a process than a fixed THING and so is the world around us. Some people take this as a negative, but I see it more as an opportunity. If everything was permanent we would be bound to our current reality, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Think about your life 10 years ago. Some things will have remained the same, but it is inevitable that there’s been significant change in your mind & thoughts, physical body inside and out, relationships, job, finances, etc. The more we can accept and utilize the slow and continuous process of transformation that is life rather than grasping to everything as if it were permanent the happier we will be. Can you tell I spent several years studying Buddhist Philosophy? Impermanence is arguably THE foundational concept at the core of Buddhism and I could write a whole blog about it but that’s all I’ll say for now. Let me know if you’re interested in learning more about this and I’ll put something together!

On to some PRACTICAL TIPS! For me, often the hardest time of the day is first thing in the morning, so establishing a go-to routine for when I’m feeling under the weather first thing has proven to improve my day.

First, MUSIC. I’m so grateful for Jungle Music because it’s often the jolt I need to get out of my head and on with my day. Sometimes I don’t feel like it, but I put it on anyways and within a few minutes my head is bopping and I’m dancing around. I know reggae with 200 beats per minute isn’t for everyone, but whatever upbeat music does it for you, crank it & feel the vibration! Sometimes the boost of energy is enough for me to think “okay, I got this!” and start getting shit done, starting with..

COFFEE. If you follow me on instagram, you know I’m obsessed with coffee. It’s probably the least healthy thing on this list, but in moderation it’s a Godsend. That said, this winter I’m going to make a concerted effort to make healthier choices to feel better physically & see what it does for my mood! Healthy food, lots of water, vitamins, yoga, and maybe some microdosing! Any tips here are appreciated!

I’ve realized that I really value PRODUCTIVITY.. Even if I spend a day crying and feeling shitty, at the end of it I will feel good about myself if I got something DONE, big or small. For this reason, I’m a big fan of To-Do lists. Sometimes a never ending list of tasks can be overwhelming and discouraging, but I learned such an awesome strategy from Dr. David Burns book Feeling Good that I wrote a whole blog post about it below! The flipside of valuing productivity so much is that if I don’t get as much done as I planned to I can be really hard on myself to the point where it actually makes me more depressed and even less productive. It’s a TRAP! Do the best you can today and be proud of your efforts & tomorrow is always a new day, that’s all you can really do!

If I still can’t shake it after crossing everything off my to-do list, I do the following things as HEALTHY DISTRACTIONS. If your only coping mechanism is to distract yourself by binging Netflix or sleeping (been there), it’s not good. But distractions aren’t inherently bad. Sometimes you just need something else to focus on to disrupt your thought patterns and in turn, mood. I may not be “cured” after doing these activities, but they are positive actions that pass the time in a more enjoyable and satisfying way than dwelling or doing nothing - there’s also a bit about this in my last blog post.

CLEAN.. I know not everybody likes cleaning like I do, maybe it’s partially my revere for productivity, but it also just feels good to live in a clean house. If I’m depressed and thinking negatively while the house is messy, it’s just another reason to be hard on myself and continue the downward spiral. Essential cleaning tips - get high, crank tunes, get shit done!

COOK. When I’m in a bad place I often eat poorly and it results in another vicious cycle of feeling crappy. Making healthy food is a distraction that results in feeling good both mentally and physically. I also like to bake - I try to do so as healthy as possible in order to munch out guilt free. I have a ton of recipes on my Pinterest!

LOGIC PUZZLES. I’ve been a fan of puzzles since I was a kid - I used to be obsessed with Sudoku but these days I’m hooked on Hanjie. I think I like it as a distraction from my emotions because it requires the exact opposite mindset. Feelings have no value when solving logic puzzles and there’s something satisfying about there only being ONE right answer. I get so into it that time passes unnoticed and I can go ages without focusing on my negative thoughts or mood. There’s something I like conceptually about doing puzzles as well.. At first you have NO idea what the answer is but you find a place to start and just keep building on it step by step. It’s an applicable life lesson as well - the big picture of our future or answer to a problem may be so unclear that it looks impossible to solve, but if you just get started and make one baby step at a time the answer will slowly reveal itself. Just get started!

MAKE ART. Sometimes I make nice things, sometimes it’s trash, but it doesn’t matter. I find the process therapeutic & wouldn’t care if I burned most of it when I was done. I’ve recently started learning how to use watercolors (thanks, YouTube!) & I think I enjoy it for pretty much the exact opposite reason that I do logic puzzles, with a similar result. Instead of there being one right answer, there is no right answer. I like to try to remove all expectation and ego and just play with color and form. It’s hard to articulate what I get out of it, but it’s a relaxing activity! Part of it is also that I’m learning & practicing a new skill, which is super satisfying and always a healthy thing to do!

LEARN. You could study the world every waking hour for your whole life and still not know everything there is to know. Sometimes we get comfortable in our own little bubbles - break out & watch a documentary about a country you’ve never heard of or a topic you know nothing about. The internet is an endless resource - use it! It sounds super basic, but learning new things is a great way to pass time and enrich your mind and you never know what might have an impact on your life! One of my favorite websites is - it’s all free & there’s no shortage of interesting things to watch & learn about!

LAUGH. Sometimes I have to force myself with this one too, but if I can’t shake a mood and I need some uplifting background noise I put on stand up comedy. Cliches usually have some basis in truth and I think there’s good reason for the phrase “laughter is the best medicine.”

GIVE LOVE. One cliche I don’t find to be true is “misery loves company” - rather than complaining & dragging others down, I’d rather spread some love & try to lift someone up! Making a friend or even stranger feels good and we have the power to do it for free all the time! I am blessed to have connected with so many people through instagram & love to use the platform to reach out to others who may be struggling. I know I can’t solve anyone else’s problems, but I love to give them a boost and make them feel less alone..

GET OUTSIDE. I get cold very easily so going for a walk in the winter just for fun isn’t so fun, but I still bundle up and do it as often as possible. Being in nature and getting exercise are both important, even it it means getting cold!

SOCIALIZE. this one is hard for me, because when I’m not doing well I tend to isolate myself and the thought of socializing is not even on my radar. But really, most of the time if I force myself into going I’m usually happy I did. Other people are a good distraction!

TALK TO A LOVED ONE - ok, so a lot of these are hard for me! I’ve never been good at talking about my emotions or communicating what I’m going through, especially if I’m deep in a depression. Part of it is feeling like people won’t understand or know what to say, or that it will burden them, but an even bigger part has been overcoming the struggle of articulating my feelings into words - even to myself. That sounds weird, but sometimes my winter sorrow is more like a physical feeling that results in tears rather than a specific problem or thought that is troubling me.. But how do you explain that? And what can anybody do about it?! But your loved ones DO want to be there for you, you just have to let them. It’s not easy and I’m learning that even if I don’t discuss my emotional state, just connecting with and spending time with loved ones face to face is important but a video or voice call work too!

If you don’t have a loved one to reach out to, find a stranger! The internet is a magical place and there are countless opportunities to find someone to talk to. There are apps that offer real-time counselling and millions of people are on social media at any given time - there’s no excuse to feel alone! If you don’t know where to start, I’d suggest searching either local or interest-specific hashtags on instagram - like & comment on any photos that resonate with you & see if you can strike up a conversation with someone new! People say it’s hard to make friends as an adult, but it’s not as difficult as you may think, but you have to get out there!

That’s all for now - I hope you find some of these tips to be helpful! I love hearing your feedback, leave me a comment below or send me a DM if you want to chat!

Dr. Burns on DO-NOTHINGISM & how to beat it

At times my depression is paralyzing. At it’s depth, it robs me of my productivity, which only perpetuates my self-criticism and self-loathing. It’s a vicious cycle. When I have urgent tasks to complete for other people I’m usually able to spring into action and get it done, but when it comes to my never ending personal to-do list, it is overwhelming and some days remarkably little gets done. This was my first winter as a full-time freelancer and it was not easy. Having spent the last 4 winters working at Vape on the Lake, I got used to work being somewhat of an escape - it was forced social time & I could smoke all the weed I wanted while making money. Perfect. But freelancing is like a blank canvas. What I do and how I spend my time is completely up to me & there is nobody there to tell me otherwise. It’s both a blessing and a curse, and like Eleanor Roosevelt said, “with freedom comes responsibility.”

But how do I push through feeling BLAH and just get shit done?!

Because depression has been a persistently recurring issue for me, noticeably worse in the winter, I’ve gotten used to dealing with it. In some ways I had grown to accept it and be okay with it - I know it will pass, it always does - I tried to just ride my emotional waves and make extra good use of my energy when I had it. On days when I was feeling particularly rough, I would let myself rest and do things to make myself feel better; listen to music and clean the house, cook or bake, make art, have a bath, etc. All these things are useful in uplifting my mood & have a place in my self-care routine, but I’m trying to run a business here! Not every day can be a self-care day! Being aware of what I “should” be doing and still not doing it gets old pretty fast and it degrades into frustration and more self-loathing. Ugh.

Before I get into the chapter from Feeling Good that helped me break this vicious cycle, I feel like I owe you a disclaimer. The following concepts and exercises were enlightening and immediately useful in increasing my productivity, but this is still something I struggle with pretty much every day. Please don’t read this like I’m an expert who has mastered these concepts, I’m just so thrilled to have found something that has made a tangible difference in my mindset and quality of life that I would feel selfish NOT to share it! But I’m very much still working on it. As the title of my last blog post suggests, this is just the beginning of my journey with CBT.

Chapter Five is called Do-Nothingism: How To Beat It. I thought Chapters 1-4 were astonishingly relatable, but this one was uncanny. Dr. Burns explains:

“In the last chapter you learned that you can change your mood by changing how you think. There is a second major approach to mood elevation that is enormously effective. People are not only thinkers, they are doers, so it is not surprisingly that you can substantially change the way you feel by changing the way you act. There’s only one hitch - when you’re depressed, you don’t feel like doing much.

One of the most destructive aspects of depression is the way it paralyzes your willpower… Because you accomplish very little, you feel worse and worse. Not only do you cut yourself off from your normal sources of stimulation and pleasure, but your lack of productivity aggravates your self-hatred, resulting in further isolation and incapacitation… If you don’t recognize the emotional prison in which you are trapped, this situation can go on for weeks, months, or even years” (81).


….YESS! Nailed it on the first page of the chapter! Once again, I was sold. Dr.Burns actually has a lot of information and several worksheets about Anti-Procrastination on his website - go check it out for more details, this is just a summary of what helped me personally.


13 Types of Mind-Sets associated with Procrastination


  1. Hopelessness: In a depressed state, sometimes “any activity will seem pointless because you are absolutely certain your lack of motivation and sense of oppression are unending and irreversible” (88).

  2. Helplessness: “You can’t possibly do anything that will make yourself feel better because you are convinced that your moods are caused by factors beyond our control such as fate, hormone cycles, dietary factors, luck, and other people’s evaluations of you” (88).

  3. Overwhelming Yourself: “There are several ways you may overwhelm yourself into doing nothing. You may magnify a task to the degree that it seems impossible to tackle. You may assume you must do everything at once instead of breaking each job down into small, discrete, manageable units which you can which you can complete one step at a time. You might also inadvertently distract yourself from the task at hand by obsessing about endless other things you haven't gotten around to doing yet. To illustrate how irrational this is, imagine that every time you sat down to eat, you thought about all the food you would have to eat during your lifetime. Just imagine for a moment that all piled up in front of you are tons of meat, vegetables, ice cream, and thousands of gallons of fluid and you have to eat every bite of this food before you die! Now, suppose that before every meal you said to yourself "this meal is just a drop in the bucket! How can I ever get all that food eaten? There's just no point in eating one pitiful hamburger tonight." You'd feel so nauseated and overwhelmed, your appetite would vanish and your stomach would turn into a knot. What do you think about all the things you are putting off, you do this very same thing without being aware of it” (89).

  4. Jumping to Conclusions: “You sense that it's not within your power to take effective action that will result in satisfaction because you are in the habit of saying "I can't" or "I would but…” (89).

  5. Self-Labeling: "the more you procrastinate, the more you condemn yourself as inferior. This saps your self-confidence further. The problem is compounded when you label yourself a procrastinator or a lazy person. This causes you to see your lack of effective action as the "real you" so that you automatically expect little or nothing from yourself” (89-90).

  6. Undervaluing the Rewards: "When you are depressed you may fail to initiate any meaningful activity, not only because you conceive of any task as terribly difficult, but also because you feel the reward simply wouldn't be worth the effort. Anhedonia is the technical name for a diminished ability to experience satisfaction and pleasure” (90).

  7. Perfectionism: "You defeat yourself with inappropriate goals and standards. You will settle for nothing short of a magnificent performance in anything you do, so you frequently end up having to settle for just that - nothing.” (90).

  8. Fear of Failure: "Another mindset which paralyzes you is the fear of failure. Because you imagine that putting in the effort and not succeeding would be an overwhelming personal defeat, you refuse to try it all. Several thinking errors are involved in the fear of failure. One of the most common is overgeneralization. You reason "if I fail at this, it means I will fail at anything." That, of course, is impossible. Nobody can fail at everything. We all have our shares of victories and defeats” (91).

  9. Fear of Success: “Because of your lack of confidence, success may seem even more risky than failure because you are certain it is based on chance. Therefore, you are convinced you couldn't keep it up, and you feel your accomplishments will falsely raise the expectations of others. Then when the Awful Truth that you are basically a loser ultimately comes out, the disappointment, Because of your lack of confidence, success may seem even more risky than failure because you are. Therefore, you are convinced you couldn't keep it up, and you feel your accomplishments will falsely raise the expectations of others. Then when the Awful Truth that you are basically a loser ultimately comes out, the disappointment, rejection, and pain will be all the more bitter. Since you feel sure you will be eventually fall off the cliff, it seems safer not to go mountain climbing at all. You may also fear success because you anticipate that people will make even greater demands on you because you are convinced you must and can't meet their expectations, success would put you into a dangerous and impossible situation therefore you try to maintain control by avoiding any commitment or involvement” (91-91).

  10. Fear of Disapproval or Criticism: “You imagine that if you try something new any mistake or flub will be met with strong disapproval and criticism... The risk of rejection seems so dangerous that to protect yourself you adopt as low a profile as possible. If you don't make any effort, you can't goof up” (92).

  11. Coercion and Resentment: “A deadly enemy of motivation is a sense of coercion. You feel under intense pressure to perform, generated from within and without. This happens when you try to motivate yourself with moralistic "should's" and "ought's". You tell yourself, I should do this and I have to do that. Then you feel obliged, burdened, tense, resentful, and guilty. You feel like a delinquent child under the discipline of a tyrannical probation officer. Every task becomes coloured with such unpleasantness that you can't stand to face it. Then as you procrastinate you condemn yourself as a lazy, no good bum. This further dreams your energies” (92).

  12. Low Frustration Tolerance: “You assume that you should be able to solve your problems and reach your goals rapidly and easily, so you go into a frenzied state of panic and rage when life presents you with obstacles. Rather than persist patiently over a period of time you may retaliate against the unfairness of it all when things get tough, so you give up completely. I also call this the "entitlement syndrome" because you feel and act as if you were entitled to success, love, approval, perfect health, happiness, etc. Your frustration results from your habit of comparing reality with an ideal in your head. When the two don't match, you condemn reality. It doesn't occur to you that it might be infinitely easier simply to change your expectations than to bend and twist reality” (92-93).

  13. Guilt and Self-Blame “If you are frozen in the conviction you are bad or have let others down, you will naturally feel unmotivated to pursue your daily life” (93).


Relatable? Me too. Here’s one way how to beat it.

Dr. Burns suggests creating a Daily Activity Schedule (94). It’s essentially a to-do list, but you break down each task and schedule them throughout the day. Sounds simple? It is, but there’s a little more to it.

  1. Create a daily schedule, starting with two columns: Prospective Tasks and Retrospective Tasks. Click here to see Dr. Burns' version of this chart.

  2. Create a row for every hour.

  3. Fill in the Prospective Tasks column with tasks you plan to accomplish each day - try to keep them as simple and concrete as possible. Include basic things like “eat breakfast” or “have a shower” if for no other reason than for the satisfaction of crossing them off the list. Break down more complex or tasks into simpler chunks - for example, instead of writing “get a job” it is less overwhelming to schedule time to write a cover letter, edit your resume, search job listings, & email potential employers.

  4. Be sure to schedule time for activities that are JUST for pleasure. Even if you have an insanely busy day and can’t set aside much time just for yourself, schedule something simple like having ice cream, reading a book before bed, or just sitting in a park for 5 minutes. Just for the sake of it! Not only is it good to have things to break up productive tasks, it feels good to have something to look forward to. See next section for more reasons why I think this step is important!

  5. You are going to rate each activity. Productive tasks, which Dr. Burns labels as “Mastery Tasks,” will be rated from 0-5 based on perceived difficulty & perceived satisfaction. For example, having a shower is a 0 for difficulty and only a 2 for satisfaction, but job-search related tasks may be perceived as being both highly difficult and highly satisfying. Pleasure Tasks should also be rated 0-5 on their perceived satisfaction.

  6. Now go do the things!

  7. Fill in the Retrospective Tasks column with how you actually spent each hour. Dr. Burns suggests doing this at the end of the day, but as a stoner I find it difficult to remember exactly what I did each hour once it’s all over.. lol! I tend to just get in the zone and DO! I prefer to fill out the Retrospective column as I complete tasks.

  8. Don’t stress if you don’t complete everything according to the schedule. It is inevitable that unexpected things will come up in the day, some tasks may take longer than expected, etc. All of that is okay. Just go with it! The point is to get more done then had you not made the schedule, so any productivity is a win!

  9. Reassess your perceived difficulty and satisfaction ratings. Were the tasks you thought were extremely difficult actually that hard? Were some of the basic things more satisfying than you anticipated? Did any of this surprise you?

What do you think? I had an exceptionally productive day the first time I tried this, but after a few days, I noticed that there was one task I kept avoiding and just pushing to the next day. If you’re struggling to get started with something, put the situation through the Dysfunctional Thought Analysis from my last blog post. It is a powerful tool that helps shed light on challenging situations.

I also wanted to say a little more about scheduling “tasks” that are purely for enjoyment. It may seem trivial, but for me it’s one of the best parts of making this type of schedule. As I explained, when I’m in a funk & trying to work on an unstructured to-do list and struggling to be productive, I’ll often do things just for pleasure to uplift my mood.. And while sometimes it does help my mood, usually I don’t actually get as much pleasure out of it as I could because I am feeling guilty and self-critical about not being more productive. My pleasure activities end up being a distraction or a time filler, but not something I thoroughly or actively ENJOY. My depressed thought patterns can be persistent AF! If I schedule time even just to sit in the sun and smoke a joint, I enjoy it SO much more than if I had done the same while still beating myself up about what I “should” be doing! Not only because I am feeling good about being productive which alleviates the guilt, but the distinct separation of Mastery and Pleasure tasks allows me to be more present in what I’m doing. I can feel good about relaxing instead of feeling guilty that I “should” be doing something else. I’m not sure where this internal pressure to be productive comes from, but it’s a double edged sword! I’m working on embracing it and letting it drive me forward instead of drive me nuts!

I think that’s all for now. I’m very curious to hear what you think about these ideas and techniques - let me know if you give it a try! As always, I’m happy to chat if you have any questions, but if you want more from Dr. Burns I highly recommend picking up “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” or checking out his website. They are both incredible resources for all things Cognitive Behavioural Therapy!


The beginning of my journey with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

I’ve wanted to open up about my struggle with depression for a long time, but many things have held me back. For one, it’s hard to put such deeply personal and emotional experience into words at all sometimes, let alone post such experiences on the internet for friends & strangers to read. Even if I did find the courage and words to express what I’ve been going through, I haven’t wanted to be seen as looking for sympathy or attention. I’ve never related to the phrase “misery loves company” - I’m more concerned with not dampening people’s mood & and dragging others down with me. One consequence of that mindset has been to isolate myself when I get in a funk, and while some alone time is necessary, as a ritual coping device it’s just not healthy. I would much rather post an inspiring quote, a reminder to hang in there, or start a conversation about something positive that might be helpful to others who are also battling their own minds, rather than wallow or discuss my own issues directly. But it’s a fine line. At a certain point I feel it can be taken as hypocritical - I don’t want people to think I’m all sunshine & rainbows when that's not the case - I'm not fake, but there's so much I don't share that I guess I'm only real to a certain degee. When I haven’t figured my own shit out I am somewhat limited in the positivity & “advice” I can give while remaining authentic. Does that make sense? Like, you wouldn’t take financial advice from someone who was perpetually broke, so why should people listen to ME about how to not be depressed?!

The truth is, I have made a ton of progress over the years and DO have some helpful things to share, but I lacked the confidence  to really open up about it publicly. I've had some intense discussions privately about depression & suicide with friends & followers from all around the world in response to what I've posted about mental health - the heartfelt & overwhelming response has motivated me to do more but it's taken time to figure out how.

The final issue holding me back has been worrying about coming off as ungrateful; I’m fully aware that I have a pretty amazing life! I share a beautiful home with my loving partner, I have no shortage of top shelf cannabis, food, & friends, I freelance full time in the cannabis industry and am part of a vibrant cannabis community online & in real life while living in a cannabis friendly city in a country that is about to legalize recreational cannabis. DREAM LIFE for a stoner, I know!

But how could I be so fucking lucky and also spend the winter waking up crying several days a week and not be able to shake it off or figure out why? It was frustrating to not understand myself, and believe me I’ve put in years trying to figure it out. There are always some good days, but too often I couldn’t just push my sadness aside & get on with it. Too often my emotions dictated my thoughts and consumed all my energy. I wouldn’t have been able to articulate that last sentence a few months ago - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy helped lift me out of my rut and taught me the powerful (and changeable!) relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

I don’t remember what sparked my interest in CBT in the first place, but I searched it on YouTube and spent several days watching lectures about it’s history, core concepts, and efficacy. I wanted more! I was intrigued by the concept of monitoring your thoughts to identify the dysfunctional ones, essentially having a tool to effectively analyze emotions rationally. Reconciling my emotional state with my logical mind has always been a point of frustration for me, so this idea was very appealing! I learned that CBT is clinically proven to be as effective as prescription anti-depressant medication but with longer lasting positive effects and none of the negative effects of pharmaceuticals. I had a pretty good handle on the basics before coming across an interview with Dr. David Burns. According to his website:

“ His best-selling book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, has sold over 4 million copies in the United States, and many more worldwide. Feeling Good is the book most frequently “prescribed” for depressed patients by psychiatrists and psychologists in the United States and Canada. Surveys indicate that American mental health professionals rate Feeling Good as the #1 book on depression, out of a list of 1,000 self-help books.”

I was sold. Having dealt with depression for over 15 years, noticeably worse in the winter, I was desperate to try something new. Anything. I’ve made a lot of progress over the years, but I needed something major to shift my perspective. I found Feeling Good at BMV books - they had a surprising number of copies of several editions! I couldn’t decide which to buy, so I googled the difference between the two I was considering - the original edition and an updated version called the “Feeling Good Handbook.” Apparently the original has a more in depth introduction to the basic concepts and history of CBT and largely focuses on depression, whereas the handbook has a bit less of the introductory stuff & includes significantly more about anxiety. I do not suffer from anxiety so I chose the original. It was brand new for only $9 - best $9 I’ve ever spent!

Chapter One is a detailed overview of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I had learned a lot of what is in it from my YouTube research, but it was still worth reading as it is a good primer for the following chapters.

Chapter Two is called “How to Diagnose Your Moods: The First Step in the Cure” (19). The first exercise you are asked to do is fill out the Burns Depression Checklist. This checklist is widely used by mental health professionals & Dr. Burns calls it a “reliable mood-measuring device that detects the presence of depression and accurately rates it’s severity” (19). See chart below.



Dr. Burns notes that if you answer 1 or higher on any of the “Suicidal Urges” questions to see professional help immediately. Please don't delay in getting the help you need if you are thinking about harming yourself. You CAN get better, but you have to be alive!

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

As someone who has lived with depression since the age of 15, I have been to my share of psychologists over the years & have filled out this checklist many times. But there was a striking difference this time. I scored higher than ever before because for the first time my depression had started to affect my self-esteem. I didn’t even notice it happen, it was like a huge dark cloud that rolled in so gradually I didn’t notice how dark it had gotten until I could hardly see. I’ve always been self-critical, which in healthy doses is actually quite useful, but I had only recently started to notice how negative my self-talk was. When I was feeling good it was easy to see that there are a lot of things I like about myself, but in the depths of depression I hated myself & couldn’t see the positives. There is no one in the world I would speak to as harshly as I spoke to myself & it had started to wear on my fundamental self  perceptions. Years ago I succumbed to my seemingly endless cycle of depression and told myself I better get used to it because this is just who I am. I got comfortable and way too complacent about my mental health & told myself I just had to ride it out, but instead of remaining manageable, it had clearly gotten worse.

Chapter Three changed my life. It’s titled “Understanding Your Moods: You Feel the Way You Think” (28). That phrase pretty much summarizes the foundation of CBT. The following chart illustrates the relationship between events, thoughts, and moods. It appears in Feeling Good, but this image was found in an article on Cognitive Distortions on - it's a good read if you want more info!



Essentially, our moods are not a direct result of external events happening in the world, but rather are created based on our interpretation of them. Dr. Burns explains:

“Every bad feeling you have is the result of your distorted negative thinking. Illogical pessimistic attitudes play the central role in the development and continuation of all your symptoms. Intense negative thinking always accompanies a depressive episode, or any painful emotion for that matter. Your moody thoughts are likely to be entirely different from those you have when you are not upset” (28).
He goes on to say “you are probably skeptical of all this because your negative thinking has become automatic. For this reason I call negative thoughts “automatic thoughts.” They run through your mind automatically without the slightest effort on your part to put them there. They are as obvious and natural to you as the way you hold a fork” (29).

….YES! This resonated with me very strongly but still doesn’t offer a solution. If anything, thinking of negative thoughts as “automatic” seems to imply that we do not have control or agency over them.. But just wait!

Dr. Burns made a made a list of 10 “Cognitive Distortions” that are common to people suffering from depression and anxiety. The following list is copied from but comes directly from pages 42-43 of the original edition of “Feeling Good.”

10 cognitive distortions:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking / Polarized Thinking

Also known as “Black-and-White Thinking,” this distortion manifests as an inability or unwillingness to see shades of gray. In other words, you see things in terms of extremes – something is either fantastic or awful, you are either perfect or a total failure.

2. Overgeneralization

This sneaky distortion takes one instance or example and generalizes it to an overall pattern. For example, a student may receive a C on one test and conclude that she is stupid and a failure. Overgeneralizing can lead to overly negative thoughts about oneself and one’s environment based on only one or two experiences.

3. Mental Filter

Similar to overgeneralization, the mental filter distortion focuses on a single negative and excludes all the positive. An example of this distortion is one partner in a romantic relationship dwelling on a single negative comment made by the other partner and viewing the relationship as hopelessly lost, while ignoring the years of positive comments and experiences. The mental filter can foster a negative view of everything around you by focusing only on the negative.

4. Disqualifying the Positive

On the flipside, the “Disqualifying the Positive” distortion acknowledges positive experiences, but rejects them instead of embracing them. For example, a person who receives a positive review at work might reject the idea that he is a competent employee and attribute the positive review to political correctness or to his boss simply not wanting to talk about his employee’s performance problems. This is an especially malignant distortion, since it can facilitate the continuance of negative thought patterns even in the face of lots of evidence to the contrary.

5. Jumping to Conclusions – Mind Reading + Fortune Telling

This “Jumping to Conclusions” distortion manifests as the inaccurate belief that we know what another person is thinking. Of course, it is possible to have an idea of what other people are thinking, but this distortion refers to the negative interpretations that we jump to. Seeing a stranger with an unpleasant expression and jumping to the conclusion that she is thinking something negative about you is an instance of this distortion.

A sister distortion to mind reading, fortune telling refers to the tendency to make conclusions and predictions based on little to no evidence, and holding them as gospel truth. One example of fortune telling is a young, single woman predicting that she will never find love or have a committed and happy relationship based only on the fact that she has not found it yet. There is simply no way for her to know how her life will turn out, but she sees this prediction as fact rather than one of several possible outcomes.

6. Magnification (Catastrophizing) or Minimization

Also known as the “Binocular Trick” for its stealthy skewing of your perspective, this distortion involves exaggerating the importance or meaning of things or minimizing the importance or meaning of things. An athlete who is generally a good player but makes a mistake may magnify the importance of that mistake and believe that he is a terrible teammate, while an athlete who wins a coveted award in her sport may minimize the importance of the award and continue believing that she is only a mediocre player.

7. Emotional Reasoning

This may be one of the most surprising distortions to many readers, and it is also one of the most important to identify and address. The logic behind this distortion is not surprising to most people; rather, it is the realization that virtually all of us have bought in to this distortion at one time or another. Emotional reasoning refers to the acceptance of one’s emotions as fact. It can be described as “I feel it, therefore it must be true.” Of course, we know this isn’t a reasonable belief, but it is a common one nonetheless.

8. Should Statements

Another particularly damaging distortion is the tendency to make “should” statements. Should statements are statements that you make to yourself about what you “should” do, what you “ought” to do, or what you “must” do. They can also be applied to others, imposing a set of expectations that will likely not be met. When we hang on too tightly to our “should” statements about ourselves, the result is often guilt that we cannot live up to them. When he cling to our “should” statements about others, we are generally disappointed by the failure of the others to meet our expectations, leading to anger and resentment.

9. Labeling and Mislabeling

These tendencies are basically extreme forms of overgeneralization, in which we assign judgments of value to ourselves or to others based on one instance or experience. For example, a student who labels herself as “an utter fool” for failing an assignment is engaging in this distortion, as is the waiter who labels a customer “a grumpy old miser” if he fails to thank the waiter for bringing his food. Mislabeling refers to the application of highly emotional, loaded language when labeling.

10. Personalization

As the name implies, this distortion involves taking everything personally or assigning blame to yourself with no logical reason to believe you are to blame. This distortion covers a wide range of situations, from assuming you are the reason a friend did not enjoy the girl’s night out because of you, to the more severe examples of believing that you are the cause for every instance of moodiness or irritation in those around you.

How many of these can you relate to? At different times and in different situations I admittedly have fallen prey to all of these distortions. Being aware of these irrational thought patterns is a start, but the magic came when I completed one of the exercises in Chapter 4..

If you are still reading and intrigued by what I’ve written so far, I can’t encourage you enough to try the following exercise. JUST DO IT! It was challenging and painful, but this tool afforded me a massive breakthrough in understanding my depression & ultimately improved my mind set in a significant and long lasting way.

You are instructed to keep a record of your dysfunctional thoughts. Start by creating a chart like the one below, found on page 66. The first row is my explanation of what to write in each column, the second row is one example of a situation used to bother me.













Briefly describe the situation that has you in a heightened emotional state.

Sometimes we have real things to be sad about like the loss of a loved one, job, etc. If this is the case, you're supposed to be sad - grieving is different from recurring depression.

The purpose of this exercise is to examine our thoughts to see if they are dysfunctional.

Specify all of the emotions that this situation makes you feel, and rate them by intensity on a scale of 0-100.

There is no official scale of emotional intensity- just put down what feels right to you. This is just for YOU, so be honest with yourself.

What automatic thoughts accompany these emotions? Ask yourself how you are interpreting these thoughts & keep questioning what that means.


Identify which of the 10 cognitive distortions are present in each automatic thought.

Some will only be subject to one or two, more complex issues or severe depression/anxiety might encompass all 10.

Again, the more honest you are able to be with yourself, the better.

Write a rational response to each of the automatic thoughts. This is easier to do when you're thinking clearly & NOT in a funk, but don't wait to try this out. if you're struggling here, think of what you would say to a dear friend who is having these thoughts. We are often more kind to our loved ones than we are to ourselves.

Rewrite the emotions you wrote in the 2nd column & reassess each one's intensity after filling out the other columns.

The goal is not to have 0’s for everything, that isn't realistic. But by analyzing your distorted thoughts you are able to see things a little more clearly. Even a slight lessening of intensity is a win. Keep going!


I feel lost & like I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

Frustrated: 40

Sad: 30

Self hatred: 20

Hopeless: 20

Anxious: 20

Shame: 10

Total: 140

I'm never going to figure out what I'm doing. I don't know what I really want therefore i don't know what to do on a daily basis to move forward. I'm useless, I should have this figured out by now.

-all or nothing thinking


-mental filter

-disqualifying the positive



-should statements

You may never feel confident with long term plans, but that's okay. Many successful people change their careers several times. Life changes so fast, it's better to go with the flow anyways. You may not have everything planned out, but you do know SOME of what you want - breaks those goals down into small manageable pieces & get to work!

Frustrated: 10

Sad: 10

Self-Hatred: 0

Hopeless: 0

Anxious: 10

Shame: 0

Total: 30


Seems pretty simple, right? But it works! I have been trying to work on my issues for over a decade, but this made me realize it was like I had been trying to clean a messy room in the dark… CBT turned the lights on! The difference in my mind state was noticeably better immediately after analyzing 6 various situations that I spent the winter ruminating about. I will still get sad some days, it's unrealistic to aim to be happy forever, but now I have this powerful tool just waiting to spring into action if I catch myself slipping into dysfunctional thought patterns. I feel empowered, healthier, lighter, and more capable of helping other people who are suffering. I really am Feeling Good!

I always felt like my depression was unique - like it was this perfect storm of inherited biological malfunction combined with unaddressed childhood trauma compounded by ongoing life fuckery until it was this tangled & heavy mess that no one could ever sort out or understand, including myself. But this book could have been written for me directly. It was humbling to think that these same ideas & exercises had helped MILLIONS of other humans. In a depressed state, the phrase “you aren't alone" is often not that helpful. Knowing that others are suffering doesn't make me suffer any less. But in this case, I really felt like I wasn't alone in my depression & it was truly comforting. Sure, my personal history is unique, but my depression is not. These thought patterns and distortions have literally played out billions of times throughout human history. It's a dark part of the human experience that we don't always talk about, but its it's more important now more than ever.

So what are you going to do?

You aren't alone.

You aren't broken.

There are things you can do to help yourself.

Just keep pushing through the pain.


Let me know what you think of this post & if it was helpful in the comments here or on instagram! ❤ Thanks for reading!